I think I am a fairly intelligent person (and modest, obviously). I enjoy documentaries, intelligent conversations, I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
I’ve come to realize that some of the most frustrating things about my relationship with God are the unanswered questions. I hate feeling like I don’t have the answer. I really hate when I don’t get a response to my questions or concerns. Don’t I have a right to know why I believe what I believe and why I do the things I do? I struggle with the idea that I should “blindly” follow anything, and I don’t even want to make that compromise for God (don’t judge me).
I’m tired of having questions. I know that I can go to “Book A” for one response to my question, or “Book B” for an entirely different, yet just as convincing, response. How is this possible? Why does God allow such opposing thoughts and opinions to both seem so accurate? Heck if I know. If you want the answer to that, you’re reading the wrong blog.
In my frustrating quest to find the answers, I am often left with my hands open and empty. God does not satisfy my appetite for knowledge. I’m left in the dark. A friend recently approached my thoughts with this quote:
Can you worship a God who isn’t obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation? [Francis Chan, Crazy Love]
Um, can I? Can I submit myself to a God that doesn’t have to tell me why he does things? Can I worship a Creator that does not explain himself? Chan’s answer to my question doesn’t actually answer my question, but it does expose some things about me. I am one entitled creature. I am demanding, and undeserving. And apparently, arrogant too (Thanks, Francis).
That trumps all questions I have. I can ask questions all day about morality issues. But am I okay with not having an answer? I was in Virginia a few weeks ago, and I stayed with my grandparents. They are freakin’ awesome, and truly love the Lord. It gets more and more refreshing to spend time with them as I grow older and mature in my own faith. My grandpa shared that his church is currently studying the book of Revelation. My grandpa is not shy by any means, and felt no shame when he approached the pastor with this: “When will I be able to ask questions about this stuff? I’m going to have questions.” People, my grandfather is a few years short of 90. HE still has questions. What a reality check for me.
I can live to be 90, Lord willing, and I will never have all the answers. I will always have to look things up, ask my pastor, and most importantly, ask God for direction. That’s surprisingly comforting, even in the midst of my disappointment. Even more comforting; it’s okay. It’s okay to not have the answers. We aren’t meant to have the answers. Why doesn’t God have to give us the answers? Chan’s response is easy: “He’s God.”
Once I can get a grasp on the fact that I might not get an answer to my question and that it does not mean my world is going to end, I automatically have another question: “Well, what do I do in the meantime?” So maybe God won’t give me a bold “yes” or “no,” but does that mean I just sit around until he does? Absolutely not.
The growth of my relationship with God cannot depend or rely on answers to my questions and concerns. Specific answers to specific questions will not build or tear down my relationship with God. A deep, intimate, personal relationship with God is so much greater than an answer to a question, whether it be about moral vs. immoral behavior, whether or not to buy a house, date that person, etc. Knowing the Lord means so much more than an unanswered question. Lately I have been so stuck on why God doesn’t directly answer my questions that I have not been able to focus on who God is. I am so dissatisfied with that one area of my relationship, that I have disregarded how blessed I am to even know Him.
But seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL these things will be added to you. [Matthew 6:33]
God isn’t trying to make my life miserable. He isn’t leaving me in the dark to cause depression. He wants one thing, and one thing only: for me to seek Him and His righteousness. What does that look like? Spend time with God! I can sit down with God and say, “Ya know what, I don’t have answers to questions that I think are important, and that’s okay.” I can still develop a stronger, more intimate relationship with God through His Word, prayer, music, community, etc. And when I do that, God promises that ALL THINGS will be added to me. He won’t leave me in the dark forever; He can’t. One day, I will be face to face with God in eternity. In that moment, I’m confident that my petty questions won’t even matter, but I’ll still know the answer.
If I had the knowledge of God right now, I would physically implode. There’s a reason that God is “up there” and we are “down here.” Francis Chan even had something to say about that:
…But many facets of God expand beyond our comprehension. He cannot be contained in this world, explained by our vocabulary, or grasped by our understanding. [Francis Chan, Crazy Love]
Instead of whining and complaining about the fact that God doesn’t give me a direct answer, why can’t I stand in awe of a God that can’t fully be explained? He is so great, so powerful, so worthy, that we can’t understand why everything is the way it is. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s impressive. I have been completely graced with the opportunity to know a God like this on a personal, intimate level. That’s amazing. I get to know a God that goes beyond my comprehension. Thank you, Jesus. I can learn to worship God through unanswered questions. It’s the only possible way to grow.